she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
then he tried to convert me to islam
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he just fucked me for my cheese..
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
