I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
