You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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