Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
