So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize