take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
