U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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