apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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