If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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