its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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