he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
