She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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