Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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