My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
