Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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