After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
