I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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