Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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