hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
