Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
