what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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