We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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