I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
