The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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