States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
