had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
