he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
