Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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