I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
