Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
