its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
