question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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