I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
