There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Two words: nipple clamps
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