it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
