Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
