How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize