i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My dick has a subreddit
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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