Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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