party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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