My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
