I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
