living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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