I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
