I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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