Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
