Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
