Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
