I want to make a zoo with you.
no, he came in my armpit
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize