I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
