also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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