i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
