He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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