I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
