Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
