I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
