dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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