Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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