I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
