I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
