After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
