What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
