i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
