I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize