My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
