My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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