You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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