Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
