He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
